Man of my Dreams

When it come to dating and relationships, I don’t want to entertain it unless it’s the man of my dreams. What does that mean exactly?! I’ve had several dreams in the past of a man that was perfect for me. In these dreams he is my perfect match personality wise and he looks fine too. I always have a smile on my face and feel joyful in these dreams. Then I wake up and realize it was all a DREAM! Yeah, but if I can dream about it, I can ultimately have it as well. That’s why I refuse to settle for less. I’m a great catch and I’ve done the work. It’s definitely someone out there for me that is the man of my dreams. Trust and believe!

*Cool Vibes and Candle Making*

The last weekend of June I got out of the house and spent time with some ladies I could relate to. We talked, laughed, cried, and share memories and moments from our moms. All the while making some amazing candles (my fav) and journals. I also created some self care goodie bags for the ladies. It was some cool vibes I plan to start journaling again. I was so impressed with the vulnerability that everyone shared that day. It was so incredible even me with my very much introverted self lol. Hopefully, we can do it again next year.

*I Can’t Stand a Broke/Lazy Man

I just realized one of the things that absolutely disgust me is a broke/lazy man. I know of a guy that doesn’t do anything but stay home and be lazy. Stays on the phone and does absolutely nothing. I think 🤔 that is no way to live, especially for a man who was taught to go out and concur the world. And for a man that doesn’t do anything but stays in the house and on the phone with no goals is beyond ridiculous. I hope no woman ever gives this type of guy any time. Let these type of man go extinct. Don’t procreate with them or give them your time. Period!

~I’m Only Looking for a Provider Husband~

I literally had a dream last month that someone proposed to me. And I remember in that dream everyone was all up on me try to see the ring. That part was a little annoying but I do one day want to get married. And now the more I stay in this city I’m starting to feel like I will never find love here. Not the type of relationship I want. I know for a fact that I want a provider. Although, I can take care of myself and I have for many years. I don’t want to have that pressure after I get married. I want to be more of the nurturer than anything else. And seeing how men are natural providers, and make more than most women. I can’t let that thought go especially since I’ve been taking care of myself for decades. All the women I have come across in my life that were provided for always looked more happy. This one lady I used to work with only got a job because she needed something to do when her daughters moved out the house. And I remember how she use to talk about the amazing things her husband did for her. It just made me so happy for her. She really had a great spouse that always looked out for her. The type of women I am I deserve that too. I didn’t want that when I was younger…I wanted to be super independent. And now I realized that was not the life for me. I just want to rest in my femininity, and not worry about the hustle bustle culture. And once that gets done I will feel complete. I will not lower this standard for no man. I will keep my standards high! Providers only, hypergamy only!

I Understand What He Meant Now

I remember when I first started working at my job. There was a guy close to my age that was totally burnt out. I remember seeing him following asleep at his desk, coming in later, and just feeling unmotivated. He told me how when he started they promised him all of these things that he didn’t get. He later switched departments and then completely quit the job. Although, I remember him him vaguely, I now understand him completely. I understand why he quit and all the silly games these jobs play. It can effect you mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and even physically. I keep speaking on the rat race because I want it to be known. I want people to escape and feel free. I want there to be a change in the dynamic that corporations have on human beings. Something has to be done about this because we are all tired of the silly games. We are all tired of the many lies told the bias and 

discriminations that flood these places called jobs. It’s ridiculous if you really think about it. Now, I 100% understand what this old co-worker was feeling and why he quit. You have to put yourself first. Happiness should be your number 1 priority. And although I haven’t quit yet. I can feel it coming soon. My peace is important to me!

I’m sick of the Rat Race

I’m so sick of the rate race, Corporate America, 9-5 you name it. It’s a game that not fun at all. It will run you dry and can potentially cause health problem and anxiety. I remember when my last supervisor left my team. I remember asking her why she was leaving because she was so sweet and smart. And she told me “I’m moving on to better things.” I think that is how we should all view this life. Move on to bigger things to get away from the rat race. It’s honestly not worth it until you really love your job and they are treating you right. Our whole life we have been indoctrinated with: go to school, get good grades, graduate and go to college, get in debt, and work to pay it off and retire at age 65+. I’m not here for that dream…I actually want my own dream. My dream doesn’t require me working a 9-5, it more like traveling and exploring the world. Meeting new people and working my own business as an entrepreneur. It’s more about me being my authentic self and exploring luxuries and trying new restaurants. These weekends are not enough, these vacations are not enough, and these sick days/holidays are not enough. 

Time is the most valuable thing I believe we have in life. The material things we can’t take with us. The time we spend with loved ones and friends are important to me. This is the reason why budgeting is good to me so I can assure I have enough funds to quit one day. I’m already debt free which is another plus…they don’t expect you to value yourself enough to get to this point. I always dream of quit I feel the day is gonna come soon. I will update will that beautiful day happens….so much stress from work today made me write this post. Hopefully, it resonated with someone because I really felt this in my spirit. ❤️ 

The Friendships I’m Attracting in 2022

The friendships I’m attracting in 2022 and beyond are going to be intentional. I’m so tired of settling for so called friendship with people because I’ve known them for X amount of years. Another thing I’m attracting with my future friends is dope conversations. Like no more celebrity gossip talk, no more telling peoples business, no more trashing your ex’s that you chose in the first place. I want and need meaningful conversations about: leveling up, building and sustaining confidence, healthy romantic relationships, getting fit, healthy eating, financial freedom, books we are reading or have read, and of course other girly things. I’m to the point I literally can say I don’t have any real true genuine friends. I look at my phone and think dang I can’t call anybody. I spoke about feeling alone on another post before. However, now it’s different without my mom and lack luster friendships. And more of my family I can’t vibe with like that. I guess this is the way of life. I haven’t had some good friends since I was younger meaning middle school and younger. I guess after the dating ages you can kiss 😘 genuine friendship goodbye. I’m learning and growing through this faze but I know what I’m attracting and I will stay focused on that. ✌️ 

My Love for 2022

I think I’m going to love 2022. I rang in the New Year by myself at home. However, this morning I cleaned my home and started to write down and manifest what I wanted out of this year. Time really don’t wait for no one! So, I have to make these moves and stick to them. I had a rocky 2021 so I’m looking forward to what 2022 has to offer.

I’m Going to Miss You Ma’am

R.I.P Mom

No one thinks of losing their mom at such an early age. However, this is life and the worst things can sometimes happen to the best of us. I know she is smiling down and looking after me. As I try to adjust to this new normal. This happened at the end of last month and it’s still unbelievable. I know with time it will get better but life will never be the same. I buried her with a crown because she was royalty. That’s what she would always say to me. That I was royalty, while this whole time she was royalty.

That Damn Don Julio Made Me A Fool for You

I just watched a YouTuber who said on her recent video “That damn Don Julio made me a fool for you.” I couldn’t wait to elaborate and speak on this topic because that statement was so real. And I could relate 100%.

I feel as a woman we let man get the most for doing the least. What do I mean by doing the least…..buying us a drink, giving minimum attention, wack bedroom activities, and small purchases. I’ve seen some women get so worked up for a guy that ain’t never do ish for them but give wack ****. And they end up as a broke busted single mom. Their lives begins to crumble meanwhile that dude is moving on to the next chic. Yeah, this post is not going to be sugarcoated and sweet it’s going to be straight raw. I’m just so tired of seeing the same things going on, and women being foolish to these dusty males.

I feel “us” women need to start putting our foot 🦶 down and demanding respect. That starts with getting your confidence levels up and avoiding these grown boys. My mom once told me that one of her friends use to put her bills on her fridge. And when a guy would try to date her she would ask them “which bill are you going to pay?” sounds like a woman who knew her time was worth something. And I’m not saying everything revolves around money either. I’m saying that is what worked for her….everybody’s something is going to be a little different. Like Denzel Washington’s wife made him propose multiple times because he didn’t do it right. Another business owner I met said his wife told him before they were married if he wanted to continue talking to her, he had to get her car out the shop. He told me he did and they have been inseparable. He said he would pick his wife over his mom and kids. Those are just some examples of women who knew their worth. 

Now, don’t get me wrong we will all go through our Don Julio fool stages. However, it’s about moving on to bigger and better things. Not allowing yourself to get there ever again. It’s a battle of not letting the small things excite you. Especially, when you know you got that designer 🐱 (S/O to Summer Walker). All I am saying is put the highest value on yourself, and it’s levels to it. You are the only one who can determine your level. You should be a woman of worth command what you want….a 💍, a commitment, bills paid, what is it? Let’s stop following for the games it’s about to be 2022. Let the dusty ones go and level up, it’s time sis! 

*Taking myself on a date*

Yesterday, I took myself on a date! Self-care and self-love requires spending quality time with yourself. 

*My thoughts*

Life is forever changing and I’m just here for the ride. This year I have been focusing on reading, trying new recipes, new restaurants, and new habits. I’m surprised that my habits are actually consistent for the most part. I have increased my water intake to 1.5 liters daily. I picked up the habit of flossing before bed. I didn’t realize how negligent I was with that in the past. Things for me are changing...I even make up my bed almost every morning. I’m loving 🥰 how I’m treating myself so far in 2020. I’m trying to do more things this my down time that I have too. I submitted my passport renewal and started my Roth IRA! Look at this new woman making moves. I also took a class last month and will get my license for that soon. I’m currently reading The Millionaire Next Door book. This will be book number 4 for me this year. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every book I have read this year. My goals was to read 5 books so I almost hit that goal as well. 

Even though so many things are being done. I still have PLENTY of other things on my plate. I just have to knock them out one by one. I also have a trip planned at the end of this month too. I haven’t been anywhere this entire year...so I’m really looking forward to getting on a ✈️ plane. Travel is my love language. Well that is all I want to share for now. Until next time stay sweet my 🍭 canes.

*Quarantine Birthday*

This year was a once in a lifetime birthday party. Never in a million years would I have thought I would have a quarantine birthday. However, now that I reflex on it I am truly blessed. Not only to see another year but to have this rare memory. Trust me this era will be written about in history books. And if I ever have kids I will have some stories for days to tell them. Welp, I plan to enjoy this last year of my early 30s. Cheers to life and my beautiful unique self! I ordered tacos from a local Mexican restaurant paired with chips and dip. My drink of choice was margaritas. I love my gifts...I even got some toilet tissue🤣. Times are hard out here with this quarantine. My mom got me a strawberry crunch cake! It was so yummy. I wouldn’t trade this celebration for the world.

*Future of my Destiny*

I've been thinking about my future so much lately. I use to be more ambitious and a goal driven years back. As of now, I've been feeling stangant. And when I mean stagnant it doesnt mean I haven't been doing nothing for my future. I have been doing things on a much smaller scale than what I am capable of doing. So, now I working on piecing back more things that I enjoy and love. Those things are my destiny, and I'm getting to a place now that I can make it happen. 

Some of the things I want to complete is my book, start a business, and look for another job. Aside from these goals I plan to attend more social events, travel, and dating. Yes, these goals are more personal life stuff. And these things will start picking up more next month. I'm getting so excited because I can tell my future is going to be bright. I just have to remain focused and crush these goals daily. And I have to motivate myself to stay disciplined. I know it will be a challenge as all things are in life. However, I plan to keep it pushing because I want what I want! 

My future destiny is important to me and yours should be too. Stay on course and remain strong. We can do this we got this💪 

*Taking My Power Back*

 I always hear my mom saying "I'm taking my power back." Lately, I have been able to relate to this so much. After my birthday last month it kind of made me notice the people who are there for me. I have always been the "strong" friend but now I'm all about focusing on me. I response to people when I feel like it. Or I don't response at all if I don't feel like it. 

A lot for me has changed and I am proud of these changes. I am no longer the brush stuff under the rug type of girl. I don't let things roll off of my shoulder. Now, I confront things head on and deal with them. If that means I have to find a new circle so be it. I will not allow anyone to come in my life with B.S. period. If someone one is fake they're better off moving around me. No more sqaures in my circles!

I am taking my power back by focusing on me. This year has already been challenging dealing with my light sensitivity in my eyes. It makes me anxious and depressed but I am coping with it daily. The changes your body goes through as you age makes you miss your 20s. I do love being older in my 30s though.   

I just know life for me is changing and some people call it growing pain. I call it REAL life because you know it is so real. I'm thinking about so much that I want to do with my life. Like one day I want to be a mother, own a nice home, possible get married, start a business, and travel more. I think about these things all the time. Most of these things are on my vision board. I understand nothing will happen over night. So for now I'm just going to be taking it day by day. Staying focused on the things that matter to me the most. And working towards my goals and that is were my power lies. I control my life and I want to leave this world with a purpose. My main purpose is changing lives. That is one of the reasons I started this blog years ago. It not only helps others but it helps me as well. Each and everyday I am growing and staying on my path. 

Just as long as I keep faith in God everything else will fall into place. 

*Feeling So Alone*

I feel so alone, I just finally realized I don't have any friends seriously. I planned a birthday event and only one person showed up. Which to me it was fine I had a lot of fun still and the food was bomb! I enjoyed my meal and I loved the restaurant decor. I love that I looked really cute and my hair and makeup was done. I had a really cute outfit as well. I was just thinking why didn't they just say they aren't coming to begin with.

I guess the older you get, you truly start to see people's true colors. Not the fake pretend mask that they wear. I'm learning to get alone with myself that is all that matters. One of the reasons I should of been selfish years ago. I'm at this personal development stage in my life. Every since last year I have been making some change to improve my life. Now I know that it's with friendships too. I don't need a lot of friends or anything that is not 100% true in my life. This is one of the reasons I use the word friend so rarely. I don't have many true friends and I am fine with that.

I have also stop communicating with some family members too. My family use to be much closer but now it's so different. I'm adapting to these changes as well. I answer my phone and text just the same way they do. If they feel they don't need to be bothered neither do I. I guess that is the most simplest way to put it.

This is not the first time I have felt this way either. I felt alone when I was homeless, in the foster care system, and a few months after graduating from college. It's so hard trying to depend on yourself all the time. I know this feeling is only temporary and will pass.

Like I mentioned before I will just continue to focus on myself. Life is just as good as you want to make it. I will have a happy life full of success with or without people. This is just too real.

*Mind over Matter*

I'm having one of those days where I have to be mentally tuff. I keep reminding myself that it's all mind over matter. I just don't have the patience anymore it feels like with this J-O-B. There are days like today that I just want to walk out and be free like a bird. 

And like I mentioned in a previous post, I always come to work and say "this is only temporary." That little phrase keeps me going through out the day. It keeps me mentally tuff. And I know for sure one day I will be living my dreams. Sometimes the things that we don't want to do teaches us to keep going. It becomes our motivation to "get out and live our dreams." It helps us to stop, breathe, and reset our goals and attention. 

Keep going and keep growing my Sweet Candy canes 🍬😊

*Inspired by MLK Speaker*

At work yesterday we had a speaker Dr Chenelle, for MLK day. It was absolutety phenomenal hearing her story and taking key gems in her speech. She really inspired me to want to do more. As a Black woman seeing other go-getters like her just makes me want to challenge myself. 

Some key points I took from her speech:

-Most people don't fail due to fear. Most people fail due to lack of commitment.

-55.3 million dreams die every year. People are dying with dreams unfulfilled.

-Check your circle, if you're the smartest one in your circle create a new one.

-Have the courage to make your dreams a reality.

-Tell me what I can't do, and I will prove to you that I can!

-When you think big, you dreams big, your results will be big. 

-Do it with a Martin mindset.

Celebrating 2019 was Magical💫

*This is Temporary*

I always think to myself when I go to work, this is only temporary. Which simply translates to I got bigger and better plans for my life. One day I will be able to move on with my dreams, goals, and aspirations. 

For a very long time I told myself I want to uplift and inspire people. It has always been a passion of mine. And one of the reasons I started this blog many years ago. I still feel the same way in my 30s as I did in my 20s. The world needs more people like me too. I have traveled to speaking seminars, conferences, and even taken online workshops. And even though I feel it in my heart. I always second guess myself with doubt and fear. However, I won't let fear get in my way. Next year I plan on speaking somewhere! At least to get the gears rolling. 

I have learned so much this year alone, I want to share my knowledge with people. I will forever be evolving and growing inside and out. I'm getting my love for reading back on track. I plan to start a platform to inspire and uplift woman. One of my favorite jobs I ever had was working in a group home with teenagers. It was challenging with very low wages but worth it. I want to be that beacon of light to someone one day. If I could just help one person, I know my time wasn't wasted on this earth. My mom keeps telling me to speak too. She said do something you love. I'm going to spend a great part of the end of this year doing that. Planning and prepping for the goodness in 2019. I know the road will not be easy but it's what I was made for! 

I really want to quit my job next year. I'm not quite sure of the exact date but next year is my target year. I can keep on doing the same thing expecting different results. That's why this year financial stability was important to me. Those little steps helped me along my journey. I'm nervous and a bit scared to come up out of my comfort zone but hey remember this is only temporary. I was not meant to work a 9-5 for 40 years. I'm just going to leave it at that.

Until next time stay sweet my candy canes😘